


addicted to no one else but you

by lastoneleft



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Gray, FTLGBTales, I originally had this tagged as 'not as angsty as it sounds', Idiots with Feelings, M/M, WWTDP, but I've been told that is incorrect so, demisexual Natsu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-08-06 21:49:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16395716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lastoneleft/pseuds/lastoneleft
Summary: The thing between Natsu and Gray is a secret Natsu's tired of keeping.Prompt: can you keep a secret?





	addicted to no one else but you

Watching Gray with someone else is a special kind of torture, Natsu decides, moping as Gray walks out of the guild, his arm draped over some girl's shoulder. “Who is she anyway?” Natsu mumbles, mostly to himself.

Lucy looks up from her book and out the window. “A girl from town, I think. Unless she just joined the guild but I haven’t heard about any new members lately.” Lucy purses her lips, mulling something over a moment. “He's been dating a lot of girls the past few weeks.” Natsu pulls a face, thankful Lucy is still looking out after Gray. “He doesn't seem very interested in any of them either. He hasn't really done anything like this since he fell for that girl in Lamia Scale, remember?”

Natsu grunts. He remembers, but he doesn't like to think about it. That was right around the time Natsu discovered his feelings for Gray. Right around the time he discovered his sexual attraction to Gray. It wasn't exactly new to him but it still came as a shock, mostly because it's fucking  _ Gray. _ Natsu figured for years that he might be asexual, then those…  _ feelings _ for Lucy happened when he was 16 and after a long talk with the Master, he was directed to Mira. She explained what demisexuality is and it resonated so deeply with Natsu he no longer had any doubts about what he is.

Nothing has ever happened with Lucy. She likes women, after all, and he's beyond happy for her and Cana. Besides, it's probably better this way. She's his best friend now and he wouldn't change or risk that for anything.

But this thing he feels for Gray- Natsu furrows his brow. It's crazy. It's  _ intense. _ It almost scares Natsu how much he wants Gray. It isn't  _ just _ physical, and Natsu knows he isn't owed anything simply because his attraction to Gray is stronger than any other he's felt, he just wishes he felt this for someone else. Or that Gray felt the same.

It's not like Natsu hasn't had anyone else. He's been with Lisanna a couple times, and with Sting almost every time he’s visited Crocus. While he loved every minute of his experiences with them, compared to the few, drunk and fumbling encounters he’s had with Gray- He shakes his head. He shouldn't compare them, he can't. It isn't fair. Lisanna is sweet, and amazing. Sting is vibrant, and exhilarating. They're both gorgeous and Natsu is so grateful they trust him enough to be intimate with him. And Natsu knows realistically if he was ever to compare what he had with Gray to his time with either of them, Gray shouldn't come out on top. With Lisanna, with Sting, they take him sober, and they want him wholeheartedly every single time. With Gray it always comes with staggering and secrecy and a refusal to talk about in the morning.

But there's something about Gray that sets Natsu's nerves on fire. Something about him that makes Natsu giddy and tongue tied, that makes him want until he  _ aches. _ And Gray only gets that when they've had a bit too much to drink. Natsu tries not to put too much stock in it when Gray gets like that for him. Everyone gets a little giddy after a few drinks, right?

That's what Natsu tells himself a few days later at Laxus’ birthday. Gray's pressed right up against his side, grinning, pink in the cheeks, eyes lingering just a little too long.

Gray leans in, gets close enough that Natsu can see every fleck of blue in his eyes. He opens his mouth to say something then seems to think better of it, shaking his head and standing. “I gotta piss.”

“Charming,” Natsu snorts.

“Shut up, Ashes,” Gray says with a laugh. The sound makes Natsu's chest tight and he watches Gray walk away, as he does lately, wishing he would come back already.

“So,” Lisanna says from behind him. She sits down and Natsu snaps out of his daze and whips around to greet her. “You and Gray, huh?” she asks before Natsu can say anything. Her voice is cheerful, but her eyes hold just a touch of melancholy.

“No,” Natsu says hurriedly. He tosses the rest of his drink back to avoid eye contact, then does the same to Gray's for good measure.

Lisanna laughs. “There must be something going on. You're a terrible liar.” Natsu grins sheepishly. “I don't know what's happening with you two, but I hope it works out for you.” Natsu blinks at her. He knows how she feels about him. She knows he knows. Hell, he was the one who brought it up the first time they went home together, telling her that while he cares for her, he doesn't feel the same way she does. “I see the way you look at him, Natsu,” she says. “I know how you feel about him and I want you to be happy.”

It's sweet. It's heart wrenchingly sweet of Lisanna to say that and Natsu doesn't doubt for a moment that she means it but- “What about you?” he asks softly. “I want you to be happy too. I just-”  _ Can't be the one who does it for you. _

“Sometimes the person you thought was for you, isn't. No matter how badly you want them to be,” she says, that lingering sadness in her eyes vanishing as she smiles. Natsu’s eyes flit to the hall leading to the guild bathrooms. “Sometimes it's someone else. Someone who waited for you to figure it out yourself.” Natsu's heart sinks for her. He doesn't know what to say, he's told her more than once that he can't give her what she wants from him. He goes to gently repeat this, but when he turns back, she isn't looking at him. She's looking at Juvia. Juvia smiles and waves enthusiastically.

“So, you and Juvia, huh?” Natsu asks. Lisanna grins at him and nods.

“Asked me out this morning. We're going for dinner tomorrow.”

“Where is she taking you?”

“...The White Garden.”

“That's in Crocus.” Lisanna flushes and nods. “She's taking you on a weekend getaway for your first date? That's… very Juvia.”

“I know it sounds like a bit much-”

“No,” Natsu says. “It's perfect. You deserve someone who likes you that much. Someone who wants to go above and beyond for you like that.” Lisanna laughs, and thanks him. Natsu's quiet a moment, then he sighs and tells her, “I'm sorry that couldn't be me. You know I care for you, but it's not the way Juvia does. And you deserve better than someone who can't give you 100 percent.” Lisanna’s eyes go wide, and she makes to protest but Natsu waves her off. “Don't tell me I'm wrong. If I was smart, I'd have gone for someone like you. Instead I had to go falling for…” Natsu laughs, has to, because of all people for him to be crazy about, it  _ has _ to be the one who can barely tolerate him. “The point is, I'm happy for you. Juvia will take good care of you. And I know you'll do the same for her.”

Lisanna’s eyes pool with tears and she throws her arms around Natsu squeezing him tight. “You'll be this happy, too,” she promises.

Natsu kisses the the top of her head. “Yeah? How do ya know that?”

“Because sometimes the person you think is for you, isn't,” she repeats. “But sometimes it is.” Natsu turns, following her gaze over his shoulder and there Gray is, staring right at Natsu. Lisanna is just sliding into the seat next to Juvia when Gray sits back down.

Gray's quiet for a moment, then he blurts, “Will you come home with me?”

Natsu's immediate response is to take Gray by the hand and drag him out of the guild hall, the hope that Lisanna knows something he doesn't gnawing at his chest. But then Natsu remembers the girl Gray was with a few days ago, and the one from last week, and the one from the week before that and his throat goes tight. It's just the alcohol, he reminds himself. Gray doesn't want him when he's sober, and at some point Natsu has got to stop doing this to himself. He can't be Gray's secret forever.

One look at Gray shatters Natsu's resolve. He seems just as desperate for Natsu as Natsu is for him, and Natsu decides he can do this one last time. He can deal with the consequences tomorrow if it means he gets to feel Gray under him again. With one nod, Gray takes Natsu's hand in his own and pulls him out the back door.

Gray practically tows Natsu back to his place, urgent as if Natsu would ever change his mind. Natsu barely has the door to Gray's apartment shut before Gray is pinning him against it, mouth hot and needy against Natsu's, hands grabbing and squeezing. It isn't long until Natsu has Gray pressed into his mattress, and as desperate as Gray seemed to get Natsu home with him, he seems even more so in making this last, in delaying their orgasm as long as possible. They're sober long before they finish, and it's right before they do so that Natsu thinks that maybe for Gray, this has to be their last time, too.

Natsu doesn't know what to do with himself once they're cleaned up. He wants to stay. He doesn't want to move from Gray's side, ever if possible. Every other time they've done this, they've been at Natsu's and Gray left when they woke up in the morning. This time, though, it's morning already and 6am has painted the sky with pinks and oranges and reds. The colours shine on Gray's skin, lighting up the sweat sheened over his chest and making Natsu's stomach flip. Natsu wants to trace over it all with his fingers, but Gray doesn't usually stick around long enough to cuddle and Natsu figures he would probably appreciate it if Natsu did the same.

So, with every fibre of his being protesting, Natsu swings his legs over the edge of the bed.

“Wait,” Gray says, breaking his own unspoken rule about silence.

Natsu stills. Here it comes. The part where Gray tells him with no uncertainty that he's done with this. Whatever this is. And as much as Natsu told himself that it could never happen again, he knows somewhere deep down he was bullshitting himself, that he'd do it again in a fucking heartbeat if Gray said he wanted it. Natsu's breath shudders out of him, and he squeezes his eyes and steels himself for the blow. “What is it?”

“I'm-” Gray starts. Natsu turns but Gray puts a hand on his shoulder. “Don't. Please. I don't think I can say it if you look at me.”

“Christ,” Natsu breathes. He hated the look on Lisanna’s face the first time he told her he doesn't like her the same way she likes him, wishes more than anything he didn't have to be the one to make her feel that way. Wishes that image wasn't burned into his mind.  _ Shit. _ Is he really that obvious?

“I'm sorry,” Gray says quietly.

Natsu whips around. “What?” Gray glares. Natsu doesn't care. He turned around. Who wouldn't? That's the last thing he expected to hear. “Why?”

Gray's brows knit together and he says, “I've been taking advantage of you, and I didn't realize it until a few weeks ago. But that doesn't make it okay.”

Taking advantage? Seriously?  _ That's _ what he's worried about?

It's a bit of a relief, if Natsu's being honest with himself. He isn't as obvious as he feared.

Natsu scoffs. “I don't think it counts as taking advantage if you're just as drunk as I am.” Hell, Gray's usually in worse shape when he decides sleeping with Natsu is a good idea.

“No,” Gray says firmly. “I meant taking advantage of the fact that you aren't out.”

Natsu blinks. “What?”

“And for still making a move on you when you and Lisanna are clearly… getting involved.” There's a bitter note in Gray's voice that Natsu is curious about, but back to that last thing first. “Shit, I owe her an apology.”

“Not out?” Natsu repeats.

“Well, yeah,” Gray says awkwardly. “Like. People don't know you aren't straight,” he rushes out. “I get it. Not many people know I'm bi, but- I think everyone at the guild thinks you're straight so me taking advantage of you being closeted to have you as many times as I can before you decide to tell people… It's a dick move.” Natsu squints at him. “Like I said, I didn't really understand that's what I was doing until I saw you and Lisanna a few weeks ago. And my first thought was that I wanted you one more time before you became unavailable or whatever. Then I realized that you probably only slept with me because no one knows about you and that fucking sucked, but obviously I’d never out you. Wouldn't either way, but like I said, I'm not even completely out myself-”

“Wait, that's why you think I've been sleeping with you?” Natsu demands.

Gray slowly says, “...Yeah?”

“You're even dumber than I thought,” Natsu hisses. “I may not be out to everyone, but I don't think me not being straight is a big deal, so I haven't made a point of announcing it. If it comes up with someone, I tell them. If it doesn't, they'll either figure it out eventually or they'll hear it from someone. I don't care much either way.”

“Oh. But… until last year you didn't really- I just kind of assumed you were in the closet because I've only seen you with Lisanna…” Gray trails off, looking thoroughly embarrassed.

“I'm demi,” Natsu says. It doesn't bother him telling people, but it takes a moment to work up to saying it all the same. “I only realized a few years ago.” Gray gives another small  _ oh, _ and Natsu should really leave it at that but he gets another whiff of the remnants of perfume and his jealousy gets the better of him. “And you may have only seen me with Lisanna, but you aren't the only guy I've been with. I don't go around showing my sexual partners off, but I don't hide them either,” Natsu huffs.

“Who else-” Gray starts before shaking his head. “Hey! I only keep quiet about the times I've been with you because I thought you weren't out to anyone!”

Natsu stills. He hadn't considered that. “‘Least Sting doesn't have to be wasted to get into bed with me,” Natsu grumbles.

Gray flinches, anger flashing in his eyes momentarily before he says, “Yeah, I bet things are different with him. I bet you like him and everything too, you ass.”

“Yeah,” Natsu spits. “And he likes me. Nice change from you.”

“You can't assume I don't like you!” Gray snaps, face flushing.

“Aww,” Natsu coos sarcastically. “Do you like me more or less than the parade of girls you've been dating lately?”

“I don't like any of those girls!” Natsu crosses his arms. “Don't look at me like that, they agreed to casual dating, and it’s not like anything happened with them, it’s just-” Gray's face darkens a few more shades and he throws his hands up. “Fuck. Forget it. I hope you and Lisanna are real happy together. Or Sting. Whatever. Just… go.”

_ He hasn't really done anything like this since he fell for that girl in Lamia Scale. _

“Who are you trying to forget?” Natsu asks.

“Just go, Natsu. Please.”

Natsu almost listens, but what Lisanna said last night sticks with him.

“I'm not getting involved with Lisanna or Sting.” Gray looks at Natsu out of the corner of his eye. “Tell me,” he says,  _ pleads. _

Gray's quiet a while. “Don't look me.” Natsu turns his head, stares at the wall while Gray collects himself.

“Well?”

Another beat of silence drags on. Gray takes a deep, shaky breath. “You.”

“What?”

Natsu moves but Gray has a hand on Natsu's shoulder again. “Don't.”

Natsu stays where he is, eyes fixed on the wall, heart slamming in his chest.

“It’s you. And I know you can't really stand me so that's why I've only been able to do anything about it when I'm drunk.” Gray lets out a laugh. It's bitter and Natsu hates it. “Then I saw you with Lisanna and I knew I didn't stand a chance against her.”

“So, those girls-”

“Me trying to keep myself occupied long enough to get over you. It worked last time I felt like this. But not with you.” Gray's hand slips from Natsu's shoulder and Natsu forces himself to remain still, to not reach for it and hold it tight. “I tried staying away, and I can do that again after today-”

“Don't.” Natsu's heard enough. “Don't stay away, you idiot.” He faces Gray and Gray shuts his eyes. Natsu's grateful. It makes it easier to tell him. “It's- For me, it's you, too. This entire time I thought you could only stand the thought of touching me when you were drunk, and  _ that _ fucking sucked. But I want you enough to deal with it.”

Gray’s eyes slide open and he smacks Natsu in the arm. “Dumb ass!”

“Shut up, you basically did the same,” Natsu huffs. “Besides, it's different with you. Like, yeah, I wanted Lisanna and Sting-” Gray frowns and Natsu finally sees it for what it is.  _ Jealousy. _ At least it isn't just him. “But it was nothing like with you. No one's ever gotten to me like you.”

“Oh.” Gray says. “But you said you liked…”

“I do,” Natsu says. “But not like I like you. I don't like anyone the way I like you.”

Gray picks at the bedspread. “You're starting to repeat yourself.”

“I'll keep doing it ‘til you understand,” Natsu says resolutely. Gray stares. “I like-”

Gray hooks an arm around Natsu and pulls him face first into his chest. “Shut up.”

Natsu blows a raspberry against Gray's skin before wiggling around until he's comfortable.

“But Lisanna,” Gray says tentatively. “She really likes you.”

“Not like she likes Juvia.” Natsu says. “She's moving on.”

“Juvia?” Gray asks. “Ya know, I kinda figured she had a thing for Lisanna once we got back from Tenrou.”

“Almost being murdered by Erza does bring people together,” Natsu says around a yawn.

“What about Sting?”

“He has Rogue now.”

“And you?”

Natsu scoffs.  _ “You. _ Ask me again and I swear-”

“Just making sure,” Gray says defensively.

They're quiet a few minutes. Natsu is perfectly content listening to Gray's heartbeat, strong and steady and soothing.

“I want to tell the guild,” Gray says.

“That we're together or that you're bi?” Natsu asks sleepily.

“Both,” Gray says. “But I feel like shit about how you felt about all this so I want to take you out first.” Natsu holds him tighter. “On a date,” Gray adds stiffly.

“Nuh uh,” Natsu hums. “I figured out I liked you first, I get to take you out first.”

Gray flicks him in the ear but asks where Natsu wants to go anyway.

Natsu thinks a minute. “The Jade Dragon.”

“...That's in Hargeon.”

Natsu nods. “I know.” Gray deserves it. They both do.

“Okay,” Gray says. “But we're taking the train.”

“Gray!”

Gray kisses Natsu.

"That isn't going to work," Natsu says, pressing in closer anyway.

Gray threatens to do it until he agrees.

"I'd like to see you try, Princess," Natsu challenges.

Gray does just that. They have all day, and they have no secrets to keep.


End file.
